Time goes by whether you are feeling glad or sad, no less.

I’m going to talk about my flaws, because I realize that I have so many. These are just few reasons why I’m terrible.

1. I set too high standards. I expect too much. I want too many things, I make myself work damn hard to achieve those things, and it’s a vicious cycle from there. As much as I tell people that everything has an opportunity cost, I don’t listen to myself. I fall sick, get stressed, become moody and grouchy and hence everything I do is not worth it anymore.

2. I’m too much of a perfectionist. My work must be perfect and I must make myself look good. My life must be wonderful. People must be great. That’s impossible to be, and then it’s back to point (1) above.

3. Maybe I’m greedy. When I’m given x, I must have 2x. When I reach 2x, I wonder why others have 4x. When I have 4x, I must double it to achieve 8x, and so forth. And the point of obtaining so much is? I don’t know…

4. I’m too impatient. It may take 8 years to gather 8x, assuming a steady accumulation of x per year. But I must force myself to have 8x in half the time. Why? I also don’t know. When others take more time, I wonder why they are less anxious than me and can be so relaxed. Maybe they are the smarter ones after all.

5. I analyze too much on everything. I have to come to terms that some things don’t have a KPI, but I still compare and must get the best deal/ win/ not lose out and become discouraged when it doesn’t happen the way I want it to be. I must be first and I must do better than the rest. But who am I competing against? No one, but myself.

6. In order to manage my disappointment, I aim not to care too much. I’m so jaded and cynical about everything because by remaining in a state of pessimism, expectations will be managed and discontentment may be minimized. But the truth is that no one gets upset but me, really. The truth of the matter will still remain, and I just end up distorting my own emotions.

7. I’m actually afraid to face up to certain issues, which I avoid at all cost. As much as I hate to admit, I indulge myself in some form of escapism by not confronting certain fears, and hope that they will turn out alright. Though people often say that time is the best healer, I have to realize that most things will not be resolved on its own when left to be.

8. I have a lot of pride, sometimes perhaps too much of it. Only very close people to me know how vulnerable I can actually be. To the rest, I have to keep up appearances and be seen as the strong, capable one who is able to handle almost everything. Even my family will not know how burdened I feel sometimes because I will not want to disappoint them with all their hopes placed on me.

9. I eat way too much junk food.

So there you go, betcha never knew I was this horrible.