This shall be my prayer, too.

1 Chronicles 4:10
And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying,
“Oh, that you would bless me indeed, And enlarge my territory, that your Hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that I might not cause pain.”
So God granted what he requested.

I have made up my mind but my mum is not convinced. Though I may look cold on the exterior, I’m still a little girl who cares the most about my mum deep inside. I’m a piece of jade with a molten boiling core. Right now, it feels as if a million ants are crawling on my arteries. I can’t think straight or sit still. I look at LKK in his room and I feel squeamish.

I have even cancelled a high profile shoot tonight because I feel so queasy. I went last night home and ate:
- Bitter gourd soup with a chicken drumstick
- ½ a fried yam cake
- ½ a fried sesame ball with green bean filling
- 1 old chang kee curry puff
- 1 magnum original ice cream
… and gave myself indigestion.

This morning, I was up early and went to the OUB office to seal my fate. Then I went crazy and bought 9 unhealthy items for breakfast:
(i) Yam cake
(ii) Pumpkin cake
(iii) Vermicelli cake
(iv) Rice cake
(v) Tapioca cake
(vi) Soon Kueh
(vii) Kueh KoSwee
(viii) Kuek Ubi Kayu Bingka
(ix) Nonya rice kueh
… Luckily I did not finish all of them and distributed some of them to colleagues in the office. But I still ate a lot with my ginger tea.

Now I’m only waiting for D to be back on Thursday so that we can enter discussion. On hindsight, now that my tough decision has been made, I wonder if I have chosen the correct path to tread on.

I may have a whole list of pros and cons to deliberate, but it ultimately would boil down to this: Whether it was right for me to leave a stable, high paying, highly visible secure comfortable job? Aside from the money factor, the real risk of undertaking this degree of uncertainty is daunting.

Then again, who is to correctly define 'the right choice'? Heck, it’s a chance I chose to take and we only live once, right? I told people around me that if it doesn’t pay off then view it like I took a year off to hibernate in some corner of the world then. I prayed again for God to continue taking care of me EVEN IF I have made the wrong move, because His hand will be with me wherever I go.