I went to John Hopkins to visit aunt Jennifer again last night after work. It was agonizing seeing her family all hunched over discussing impending funeral plans. Her parents, both in their 80s, wailed uncontrollably beside her pale near-lifeless form on the hospital bed. All they could do was to grasp her tightly begging for even the slightest response. Hours on the clock ticked by and her life was literally hanging by a thread. About 20 of us were there, all prepared for the worst to happen.

She survived last night with her blood pressure and heart rate at precarious levels. But she lost the fight today at 12.45pm. I imagine how my grandaunt’s heart is breaking. For me, it’s just extremely heartrending to know that she has crossed over to the other side, but not the side that my grandpa is on. She fought a good fight, and done all she could.

I believe that God still loved her, though she did not choose Him. I read in devotional today that when Jesus died on the cross, he was pierced in 7 places so that our transgressions may be forgiven – his head by the crown of thorns, his hands and feet, his side and his even his heart. I have to admit that I’m a wretch but only Jesus’ blood saves me, heals me and blesses me.

I feel that I am going to take another plunge, but after a string of events, I think I have the peace of the Holy Spirit to go ahead, even though 80% of the world may advise me otherwise. I will jump in Faith and God’s Grace and Blessing, even with my eyes closed.

I really have no idea how to broach the subject to LKK. I think he will hate me.
I really don’t know if I am doing the right thing.

If I really wander off too far, I hope that there will be a road to take me home…