DGM called for an urgent meeting this afternoon to discuss the transfer of some ECB eligible assets to Head Office while retaining tax benefit in Singapore branch. I foresee reporting complications.

In the meantime, I’m having severe gastric pain this morning, even after having a char siew pau. It’s so painful I can’t keep my eyes open, but have to remain unflinching at my seat. Keeping up appearances is important in my environment. I’m not exaggerating, but the level of hostility is daunting. I’m always peace loving, but I’ve no choice but to put on my fighting armour everyday. The weight is already weighing down on me in such a short time.

I’m in blue mode, both literally and emotionally. I realize that I’ve been wearing a lot of blue clothes, sucking on blue raspberry lollipops and even painted my nails blue. My mum said that they look frozen and poisonous. Maybe that’s the whole point. Subconsciously, it could be an extension of how I’m really feeling. I don’t know if I can trust my supposed ‘friends’ here too.

How come my December is not white with snow, but so blue this year?

My tongue is now blue from sucking too hard on the lolly.

Maybe it’s my Libran nature; I avoid conflict, try to be diplomatic at all times and need like-minded people around me. Aggressive I am not. When I need to be firm, I know I am. Professionally, no one crosses the line with me. People don’t try to be funny with me because they know I mean business. But why is there so much tension even on a non-working basis? My harmonious side is struggling in this environment.

How long do I have to be here? Maybe I should have accepted a lower pay and snuggle into some low profile designation. But then again, I am ambitious and perhaps this is the necessary interim period? I don’t know, but as of now I am suffering.

I just had a packet of supposedly healthy natural grain biscuits from Germany, compliments of the office pantry. If I hadn’t had gastric pain I would never eat such healthy organic stuff. Feels like pecking on birdseed; I’m not a sparrow. But I need the energy to go to war. Actually, GM, DGM and my regional boss are all quite nice to me. It’s the other peeps that seem to make life tougher. Donch know why they want to behave like that.

Gonna meet the ex-LEH Compliance HOD tonight. He’s actually quite nice I think, though so many people are afraid of him.

Leaving earlier tonight. Yay.