I just had my first surgery in life, all alone. It was so scary being wheeled into the operating theatre, fitted with various medical monitors and being placed under the surgical lights.

When the surgeon arrived, I was given local anesthetic by a painful injection in the eye. Being fully conscious, I could sense him performing the incisions, not one or two, but on three viral infections. I saw all the blood oozing out and I really felt like crying, but I couldn't. The wounds needed to be burnt to to eliminate the viral base. I could feel it and it was hurting so much.

A histology is required. After the surgical procedure, I was moved out of the operating theatre and allowed to rest. As the numbness from the anesthesia wore off, the pain set in and it was horribly painful. I couldn't open my eyes and my vision was blurry. I still could not cry. How I wished I had someone with me then. But I'm a strong girl. I know I can handle it myself. I had to.

I waited for the bill and instructions in the waiting room. The wait seemed to last forever. The pain stung intensely. I had to go upstairs to see the doctor again before being allowed to go home. He said that I should recover quickly and that no scarring should occur. But I have to see him again tomorrow just to make sure everything is okay.

When I got home, I couldn't stop crying. I'm crying as I'm writing now. I'm hurting real badly. By what my mum did lately, by the pain of the surgery, by my emotional hurt, by the burden on my back, by stress, by expectations placed upon me, by everything and anything. Crying aggravates the wound, but I just can't stop. It has overcome me, all the pain from both inside and outside has agglomerated at one point now and overwhelmed me.

I feel absolutely awful right now.