Experts tell us that babies have two natural fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. A study on fear was conducted on 500 adults of varying ages, backgrounds and lifestyles. The results showed that they shared some 7,000 different fears. This means that they must have learnt 6,998 fears since they were born. That is a lot of fears!

For me, the fear of failure must be one of them.

Someone got angry with me because I cannot make it for lunch with him on Wednesday. He told another colleague that I hurt his ego because I rejected him so many times and that I’m so arrogant. What to do? I didn’t mean to be come across like that what, just that I have a lot to squeeze in these 2 weeks.

Another person in the world hates me. I’m not gonna bash myself up over it, but I feel a bit bad for canceling on him. I know I can’t please the whole world but it seems like I’ve been screwing a whole lot of stuff up lately. Feels terrible. Can’t wait to run away to Phuket.

Last Friday was somewhat eventful. I don’t wanna elaborate. In summary, the world is a complicated place to live in with messed up people all over. Saturday’s rain seemed like an extrapolation of how I felt – cold, wet, with constant showers and somewhat sad with a little melancholic tune to the falling raindrops. Mundane, stuffy, gloomy. Not overwhelming, but churning unceasingly. I went for salsa in the afternoon, and then I met my girlie for a sumptuous dinner, soup, lychee martini and yummy sweet sinful desserts. We also went for foot reflexology and did a little shopping. Somehow I wasn’t relaxed and had a grey shroud over me no matter what I did. I should really try to stop being a worrywart.

I caught up with mistake briefly yesterday over a casual drive, and we ended up at Marina Barrage. It somewhat felt familiar but wrong. Some mistakes, I can’t bring myself to justify.

Taurus has finally decided to postpone coming back for another year. Initially, I was kinda vexed about him returning for good. Now that he’s not, I’m somewhat torn between feel relieved, disappointed, both or neither.

I bumped into Lion and his friend, Serpent last Friday while out with a girlie of mine, at the sort of place that he would typically hang out. It was so apparent that Serpent just wanted a ‘good time’, but my girlie who’s attached actually didn’t mind engaging him. At this point I still trust her. People relationships are so complex. Lion called to explain, but I really don’t want to be involved in any illicit affair of any sort. Yes, I was rather guarded towards him that evening, maybe even a tad too cold. And though I don’t think he carries venomous poison, this Lion may just be the wrong species after all.

I really really want to spin out of the twister of gloom. This is no way to lead life. My life should be bursting with vigour, life and abundance. But sometimes the downward centrifugal force is so strong that it becomes so difficult to propel myself upwards. I’ll keep praying. I know I’ll get better.

I know I don’t have to carry the fear of the future with me.

I also know that I should not have to fear:
- Being stagnant
- Growing old and ugly and sick and grouchy
- Losing all my loved ones and being alone
- Being helpless and unaccomplished
- Falling from grace
- Etc
… because in Him I trust.

Proverbs 3:5, 6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”