I’m not an ungrateful brat, but I’m really not happy at work. This is a period where everyone tells you how lucky you are to be holding a job, especially in the banking industry. In addition, my boss treats me pretty well and my GM has commented that I’ve been impressive these past 2 months. I’m really thankful for all of these and the Lord’s blessings, but there’s a secondary feeling of ‘settling for second-best’ that lingers, and discourages me a whole lot.

It could be due to the culture here where people here are more uptight and conservative, form cliques and have an aversion to change. I may have been too comfortable with the ways of Lehman where micromanagement is being thrown out of the window as long as you deliver performance. No one really bothers about nasty politics, what time you arrive or leave office, workplace rumors and other worthless observances. People are highly performance driven, embrace change, are immersed in a dynamic international environment across cultures, and very direct. Everyone is a star performer in their own field in a competitive corporate environment. Either you make it, or you don’t. I think I do better there.

Of course, working under a then prestigious brand name downtown in a swanky expensive office boosts morale too. I was told that the combined value of all the paintings in the reception area alone ran into millions, and it just occupied a small area. I still recall the wood furnishings in our luxurious conference rooms, the superbly well-stocked pantry and beautifully marbled coffee area, the fantastic view from my window, the Bloomberg terminals and up-to-date technology connected to multiple LCD screens on my desk, effective communication tools and most importantly people who ‘get it’. I’m not being snobbish here, and I still get along with everyone here. It’s just that even birds of a feather flock together.

The old investment banking days were good.

Jolted back to reality here where systems, policies processes are far less developed, it feels as if I’ve downgraded from 5-star Ritz-Carlton to 3-star Golden Landmark Hotel. Still inhabitable, but no longer extravagant.

I don’t just hate this part right here.

I know that there is nowhere perfect, no one flawless, and nothing to last forever. Right now I just hope things were a little better…