Not something to be proud of, but that's what I just did. I came home and discovered that my mum went into my room (again!!!!!!!!) and took what she wanted/needed without telling me, pre or post event. Normally, if it's something insignificant I'll just close an eye to it and remind her to let me know what she took. It's really no big deal. However, when she stumbles upon an item of importance to me, no matter how trivial it may seem to her, and decides to take it without asking, and 'forgets' to tell me after she has taken it, I get really really annoyed. It just happened like 20 minutes ago. I came home and discovered something that belonged to me lying on the couch in the hall, meant for somebody else. I was fuming. The item belonged to me, whether she deemed it as small or big or 'no big deal'. And though I may not need in now, I'd just like to keep it in case I want to use it in the future. It's not worth much really, and relatively easily replaceable. But I just hate the idea of my mum sneaking into my room when I'm not in and treating herself to whatever she pleased.

It's not the first time this has happened. It's probably like the 1987257452th occurrence. And who knows what she has conveniently 'borrowed' that I don't know of. The most recent case before this was just a mere 2 weeks ago. I saw something that looked familiar and asked her if it was mine. She said yes. I told her I needed it. Didn't make a big fuss out of it. Then 2 weeks later this happened. My question is, "Do I have to make a big deal out of things to get my point across? To be heard? To tell her that I hate what she did?"

Am I petty? Yes. Very small-minded and making a mountain out of a molehill. Throwing my tantrums around for nothing. Acting like a self indulgent brat. It's just basic privacy and respect, no? I know I shouldn't behave like that, but at that point in time, I just didn't care. Do I have to go back to the days when I lock my room before I leave the house every morning?

It just reinforced my NEED TO MOVE OUT. I'm in full on search for a place to move out to now.

I called my granny to complain about my mum. And wail. And then I thought that when I was so stressed out, I had so little patience with her. I felt so guilty. Yet when I want to cry loudly and act childishly, I run back to her like a little toddler. What would happen to me when the day comes and she won't be around anymore for me to run back to? As a little girl, I was terrified and had the worst nightmares of my grandpa's passing away. I would sit up shivering and praying non stop all night that God would never let my grandpa die. At that tender age, I would pray that if God allowed my grandpa to die He would have to let me die with him too. And then I would be buried with my grandpa. My grandpa passed away the year I turned 24. But I did not die. Now I'm so freaking scared of the day I would lose my grandma. I hope the day is far far far far far far far far far far away. And I cried even more.

Maybe, this was a much needed catalyst for me to cry. I have been so cooped up and stressed up and sick lately. Trying to be strong for everyone. It could be just 2% because of what happened today and 77% pent up frustration, and the remaining 21% discouragement and disappointment. Or it's just my PMS making me feel cranky.

Today's my aunt's birthday and she's coming over later to collect the presents I have for her and my cousin. I cannot let her see my ugly goldfish red eyes.

But that was what I came home and did after a busy tiring manic blue Monday - crying over silly things.