I am so tired, and keep entertaining the thought of resigning without a new job. The malicious bubble is rapidly burgeoning in my head.

Given the bleak economic situation that is largely looming, it takes no rocket science for one to realize that this period is most apt to live by the prudence principle. I am usually risk-conscious, collected and careful, but am fast approaching my limit of shouldering burdens. I’m feeling like latent heat accumulating the last degree Celsius in the pressure pot before I explode and change state. Then I shall not be contained anymore. If this goes on, soon enough you’ll see a different side of me.

All day, staring at the computer screen trying to make sense of what I’m doing. In 2006, I recall telling myself that whatever I do, I must do it foremost for Christ, then for my grandpa and thirdly for my grandma and family. Somewhere along these 2 years my line of sight was shifted, and I didn’t know why I was doing what I did anymore. Losing objectives make present chores untenable.

I read an article on sailing that advised novices to fix their eyes on the far horizontal stable horizon instead of how high the waves are to prevent sea-sickness. Very sound advice that’s definitely applicable to me now.

The new PwC partner came to introduce himself to me today. So friendly. Though external auditors get complained about a lot, I side with them pretty often. Maybe it’s my accountancy background empathizing with them. No one would voluntarily be a pest (unless he’s mad) that people shun unless it’s an inevitable part of their job. I know it can be rough on their end of the corporate relationship too.

By the way, I spent more than $700 on retail therapy last weekend which failed to me make me happier. Basically I just wasted money and I kinda ascertain that money cannot buy happiness. It shouldn’t anyway, because the root of the problem has not been treated. It has been diagnosed though, that I should simply take it easier on myself, slow down a little, change my expectations somewhat etc… I know these… but I can’t switch mode from tensed-up individual to laid back chick just like turning on the ignition right?

I must be so exhausted that I fell asleep during facial. I don’t know if that’s normal, but I usually don’t and will chit chat about frivolous stuff with my beautician.

Today, the trainer at the gym came to tell me that I was running too slowly and should hit level 10 for at least 30 minutes on the treadmill. He’s always been kind to offer to me a fitness assessment but I was never up for it. I’m tired and lethargic today and gave up after like 10 minutes. I know… poor excuse.

I really just want a good night's rest tonight.