God never promised that life on earth would be a breeze. And while work stress and hectic schedules are making me grumpy, lethargic and ill, I feel that I'm in no position to complain. Look at the victims of Cyclone Nargis and the recent Sichuan quake... through the harsh conditions and uncertain future that lies ahead of them, coupled with the lost of their homes and loved ones, their fighting spirit and willpower gets my true admiration. Human strength withers like a weed in comparison to Nature's brute power. Life, after all, is like vapour.

U.P. fell down and hit his head on Monday. He was bedridden the entire week. I really feel bad for him, and more so for my mum who takes care of him. Even after so many years, we've never been close, and only exchanged sparse hellos and byes. It may be wrong for me to think this way, but I just feel... that it's unfair and so tough on my mum. She's exhausted but can't stop doing what she does. I'm not really helping much, partly because I can't and partly because I probably have less compassion for U.P. than I should. I don't know... but it makes me a little heavy hearted. Am I being selfish?

Work has been difficult, but I'm still fighting hard. I want to be at the top of the game. In just 2 weeks, I've gained the reputation of being a Chilli Padi... not sure if it will work for or against me though... but I'm not slowing down... Catching up over dinner and drinks with my CMA colleagues last night was good. I miss them and the old environment at Centennial Tower, but I'm still glad I moved on.

I know that there are other aspects I should focus on other than my career, making money, and climbing up the steep corporate ladder. Probably, this is just my protective mechanism and security blanket I cling on to. I try. But I'm once again disappointed. I've always felt that my life is an austere bed of straw.

I can't deny that some people are really nice to me, and go out of their way to do things for me. I have to say that while I appreciate the effort, I can't return all favours and goodwill to everyone. Sometimes, I'm sorry that feelings are not mutual. Sometimes, on the other hand, I feel that I put more attention on things and people that are unworthy of such flattery. It doesn't always have to balance, right? Ultimately, as shrewd, mean, and unfriendly I may seem, I'm really not out to hurt anyone. Vice versa, I won't let anyone hurt me.

My grandma came to visit last week and she was really happy. We brought her to Chinatown for Dim Sum and shopping, and she stayed at my aunt's place with my other cousins for 3 days. I'm comforted that she can still lead a good life after my grandpa passed away in 2005. I still think of him much, and I always will.

The road ahead may be long. But at this point, I guess I'll still keep afloat and try to live each day as my last.