I just had an argument with my someone whom I used to care for and who cared for me as well.

Long ago, I sought his approval. When I failed to meet his expectations, I would feel like a liability - worthless, helpless, plain lousy. I felt ugly, stupid, inept, insecure, depressed. Simply put, I just wasn't good enough. When we had a tiff, I would feel torn and so devastated that upsetting him would send my world crashing down. I'd cry till I lose my voice. I'll wanna rip my hair out. I'll scream my guts out. I'll hate myself for everything that I am. Everything was about him. He was my world, back then.

Not anymore. Six years have passed, but are things really that different? He hates me for the things I choose to do. He doesn't approve of my life choices. I thought we could still be friends, in spite of our disagreements and differences. At least, we were once close and knew each other well. Maybe the bitterness from the past has dispelled, and I have stepped out of his shadow. But I am wrong.

Yesterday, he said something to me. It hurt me. A lot. I thought I have been numbed, immunized, too cynical to care what he ever says again. A deja vu feeling overwhelmed me. I tried brushing it off, but the words return to haunt me. Like a ruthless stab. I felt sick and terrible. Worthless, helpless, plain lousy. Again. It doesn't matter what position I'm holding in office, nor does my education matter. Nor does how I look, how much I earn, how capable and competent others deem me to be. A cruel word can send me crashing.

Every hurtful word is a nail driven into a wooden fence. Even when removed, a scar remains. Forever, irreversible.